How do I tell you
That I have given my heart away
That I carry a baggage night and day
That I have gone astray
How do I love you
When I bear a broken heart
When I can't make a fresh start
When I can't let go of the past
How do I make you happy
When I am smarting inside
When I can no more decide
When I contemplate suicide
You wonder what I am thinking
You think I am unfair
The truth is my darling
That I am in despair
You want to have me in your life
Then weed out each hurt and strife
The pain that I carry from the past
I fear it is always going to last
How should I tell you
That you deserve to be loved
And I cannot use you
As a cure for my hurts
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Why Does It Happen
That the people whom you love the most, hate you
That when you want to do something good, it actually hurts people you love
That when you are speaking the truth from your heart, you are percieved as a liar
That every effort you make to make someone understand, alienates them even more
That you still love people when they hurt you like nobody else ever could
That when it seems that things could not be worse, you are proved grossly wrong
Why?
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Unsure and Upset - That's Me
Gosh, I am all jittery and confused and that too at this stage when I have to be very focussed. I am not so sure about the list of schools I am targeting, I am not so sure about my choice of International Business and HR, I am not so sure of anything anymore. Help me God!!!! :-(
I worked again on my list of target schools, the new BW rankings are out and I am super confused now, I read some MBA aspirant blogs and they confused me even more. I took 2 schools out of my previous list and put in 3. I don't know what I am doing, selecting schools now :-(
I am confused about IB and HR so much so that I have started thinking of completely different options. I had a chat today with a very dear and respected friend who is an MBA from IIFT. I only take opinion from people who have done well themselves ;-)
The chat went something like this:
Frend : Long time dudette, did u get ur scores?
Me: Yeah, GMAT 680 and TOEFL 115
Frend: U seem to be on an adrenaline trip these days, sexy score and all :-)
Me: haha... kind of. But GMAT ain't that great.
Frend: ok, so what next?
Me: Tell me something, how is an MBA in International Business, I am quite inclined towards it
Frend: depends on what you really want to do after that
Me: I want to earn good money and work at a good place and maybe travel :-)
Frend: Try INSEAD and you don't need an MBA in IB for good money
Me: no way, no europe for me. They have 1 year MBA in EU and ask for more experience, I am going to US
Frend: ok. well, to be honest, think long term, money will happen, what really interests you? Some ppl like environ management and different MBAs rather than a vanilla MBA and then doing routine corporate jobs from one company to another. Ain't that exciting in the end?
Me: I want to learn a new language and study a different economy, dats why IB sounds cool (see how undecided I am)
Frend: well IB is not just that, you can do without learning a foreign language and of course any general MBA these days would have some IB flavour
Me: But how are the job prospects in those different MBA programs. I am very confused... guide me :-(
Frend: Job prospects are linked with economies. Even IIM grads are facing a tough time
Me: Gosh, I am even more confused now
Frend: Think long term, not what happens immediately after MBA
Me: what if I do a combo of IB and HR. HR is good for women
Frend: Don't disappoint me. Why do the usual? Do something different as always :-)
Me: What if I don't get a job after doing something different and IB is almost different, not many ppl opt for it :-)
Frend: I mean what do you mean by HR is good for women. U want to go abroad for an MBA then why think from this angle of women and gals
Me: I mean it's not very stressful, like finance maybe
Frend: Stress is on you, not on what you do. It again depends on your personality
Me: You know I am a somewhat laid back person.
Frend: Don't be self-proclaimed. You can do anything if you like what you do, like you did in your exams
Me: I don't even know very well what I like. How can I decide if I have zilch experience in IB or Marketing or for that matter, the different MBAs
Frend: Its not simple, but I want you to broaden your analysis and choose intelligently. Talk to the folks in the colleges
Me: Yeah, I am thinking of talking to people in IB and HR, they are the only options that interest me now. You did MBA in IT right?
Frend: Nope, IB with majors in Systems, whatever that means
Me: Hey, then you are the right guy to talk to. When can we talk?
Frend: When I am back in India and we will talk over beer and you will take me out. I will be back on 20th Dec
Me: Wow okay.... I will go nuts until 20th Dec
Frend: You won't and you don't have to opt before you actually get admissions
Me: well, allright and thanks :-) We will talk over Beer and I will take you out :-)
That was the conversation and I am still as confused as ever. Who else out there can give suggestions? I am in dire need :-(
I worked again on my list of target schools, the new BW rankings are out and I am super confused now, I read some MBA aspirant blogs and they confused me even more. I took 2 schools out of my previous list and put in 3. I don't know what I am doing, selecting schools now :-(
I am confused about IB and HR so much so that I have started thinking of completely different options. I had a chat today with a very dear and respected friend who is an MBA from IIFT. I only take opinion from people who have done well themselves ;-)
The chat went something like this:
Frend : Long time dudette, did u get ur scores?
Me: Yeah, GMAT 680 and TOEFL 115
Frend: U seem to be on an adrenaline trip these days, sexy score and all :-)
Me: haha... kind of. But GMAT ain't that great.
Frend: ok, so what next?
Me: Tell me something, how is an MBA in International Business, I am quite inclined towards it
Frend: depends on what you really want to do after that
Me: I want to earn good money and work at a good place and maybe travel :-)
Frend: Try INSEAD and you don't need an MBA in IB for good money
Me: no way, no europe for me. They have 1 year MBA in EU and ask for more experience, I am going to US
Frend: ok. well, to be honest, think long term, money will happen, what really interests you? Some ppl like environ management and different MBAs rather than a vanilla MBA and then doing routine corporate jobs from one company to another. Ain't that exciting in the end?
Me: I want to learn a new language and study a different economy, dats why IB sounds cool (see how undecided I am)
Frend: well IB is not just that, you can do without learning a foreign language and of course any general MBA these days would have some IB flavour
Me: But how are the job prospects in those different MBA programs. I am very confused... guide me :-(
Frend: Job prospects are linked with economies. Even IIM grads are facing a tough time
Me: Gosh, I am even more confused now
Frend: Think long term, not what happens immediately after MBA
Me: what if I do a combo of IB and HR. HR is good for women
Frend: Don't disappoint me. Why do the usual? Do something different as always :-)
Me: What if I don't get a job after doing something different and IB is almost different, not many ppl opt for it :-)
Frend: I mean what do you mean by HR is good for women. U want to go abroad for an MBA then why think from this angle of women and gals
Me: I mean it's not very stressful, like finance maybe
Frend: Stress is on you, not on what you do. It again depends on your personality
Me: You know I am a somewhat laid back person.
Frend: Don't be self-proclaimed. You can do anything if you like what you do, like you did in your exams
Me: I don't even know very well what I like. How can I decide if I have zilch experience in IB or Marketing or for that matter, the different MBAs
Frend: Its not simple, but I want you to broaden your analysis and choose intelligently. Talk to the folks in the colleges
Me: Yeah, I am thinking of talking to people in IB and HR, they are the only options that interest me now. You did MBA in IT right?
Frend: Nope, IB with majors in Systems, whatever that means
Me: Hey, then you are the right guy to talk to. When can we talk?
Frend: When I am back in India and we will talk over beer and you will take me out. I will be back on 20th Dec
Me: Wow okay.... I will go nuts until 20th Dec
Frend: You won't and you don't have to opt before you actually get admissions
Me: well, allright and thanks :-) We will talk over Beer and I will take you out :-)
That was the conversation and I am still as confused as ever. Who else out there can give suggestions? I am in dire need :-(
Saturday, December 6, 2008
It Has Started
Yesterday I had a phone interaction session with the Director of MBA Student Recruiting of BYU. Now I haven't even applied to BYU yet, though I have sent my scores. They know nothing about me except my GMAT score and yet I got an e-mail invitation from the Director for a talk and to answer any questions I might have. I like to think that they were impressed with my score and therefore wanted to talk, wish I could tell them that I was getting even better scores in practice tests :-(
BYU is one of my top choices, being the excellent university that it is. Therefore I was obviously excited about the call but I did not have many questions for them except one. Moreover, I had no idea what exactly would the conversation be like because this was not an interview call as such. Anyway, the Director called me at the exact time we had decided and she was very pleasant and asked me if she had got my name right, which she had :-). She asked me what I had been doing and I ran her through my profile, she actually liked the career jumps from Software to HR to NGO :-). I told her about my TOEFL score and she seemed impressed. Then she told me about BYU and about the religious approach that they have. I knew all about it already, having researched each and every bit of information I could come across. She answered my questions and told me to mention her name in my Letter of Intent as that would help my application. That was it, a very pleasant, informative, general chit chat.
Now that I am feverishly writing essays and have collected nearly all documents, I will start applying and will hopefully get more such calls, for introduction, interviews etc. Gosh, it seems to have started. I don't know if I will get a desirable admit but after writing nearly 30 essays about myself and talking to so many people about my profile, I would at least emerge out of this episode with some self-enlightenment.
BYU is one of my top choices, being the excellent university that it is. Therefore I was obviously excited about the call but I did not have many questions for them except one. Moreover, I had no idea what exactly would the conversation be like because this was not an interview call as such. Anyway, the Director called me at the exact time we had decided and she was very pleasant and asked me if she had got my name right, which she had :-). She asked me what I had been doing and I ran her through my profile, she actually liked the career jumps from Software to HR to NGO :-). I told her about my TOEFL score and she seemed impressed. Then she told me about BYU and about the religious approach that they have. I knew all about it already, having researched each and every bit of information I could come across. She answered my questions and told me to mention her name in my Letter of Intent as that would help my application. That was it, a very pleasant, informative, general chit chat.
Now that I am feverishly writing essays and have collected nearly all documents, I will start applying and will hopefully get more such calls, for introduction, interviews etc. Gosh, it seems to have started. I don't know if I will get a desirable admit but after writing nearly 30 essays about myself and talking to so many people about my profile, I would at least emerge out of this episode with some self-enlightenment.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
A Breather - TOEFL
I watch the news, get angry when I see a complacent politician, fight back the tears when I see a martyr's family, and feel agitated when I watch large crowds of people demanding action. I find myself in an emotionally charged mood the entire day every day.
A respite came in the form of my TOEFL result. My score is 115/120, which is reaaallllyyy good. Reading - 30/30, Listening - 30/30, Speaking - 27/30, Writing - 28/30.
No mood to celebrate but this at least made me get back to work on my applications, else since the night of 26th all I have been doing is watch the news, talk to people, show my anger and express solidarity with the nation. Not that I am moving on and going to forget 26/11. Some things in life are not supposed to be forgotten, though they hurt, we refuse to nurse such wounds. They have changed the way we think forever.
A respite came in the form of my TOEFL result. My score is 115/120, which is reaaallllyyy good. Reading - 30/30, Listening - 30/30, Speaking - 27/30, Writing - 28/30.
No mood to celebrate but this at least made me get back to work on my applications, else since the night of 26th all I have been doing is watch the news, talk to people, show my anger and express solidarity with the nation. Not that I am moving on and going to forget 26/11. Some things in life are not supposed to be forgotten, though they hurt, we refuse to nurse such wounds. They have changed the way we think forever.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
For Tomorrow We May Die
Shivraj Patil resigned, RR Patil was thrown out and Vilasrao Deshmukh is unwilling to let go of his chair. Kerala CM said that even a dog would not have visited the dead major's family had he not been a martyr. BJP spokesperson Naqvi said that women in Mumbai were demonstrating against the government wearing powder and lipstick. Deshmukh gave a Taj tour to Ramu and Riteish. Ha!
I wonder whether our netas are competing against each other in trying to give the most distasteful comment of the year or in committing the most horrendous act of indecency. Whatever they are doing, this is for certain that they are not helping the nation. They are only helping their own cause.. which is to stick to their chairs, save their necks, and stay complacent.
They are as bad as the terrorists themselves or probably even worse.
I dunno from where a phrase has entered my head and keeps repeating itself incessantly. 'Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may DIE' and the DIE here is so strong that I shudder at its force. I think this phrase was coined by someone who was happy and content with life. For people like us, a sombre and gloomy nation, a more apt phrase would be 'Work, Love and Stay United for Tomorrow we may be Killed'.
I wonder whether our netas are competing against each other in trying to give the most distasteful comment of the year or in committing the most horrendous act of indecency. Whatever they are doing, this is for certain that they are not helping the nation. They are only helping their own cause.. which is to stick to their chairs, save their necks, and stay complacent.
They are as bad as the terrorists themselves or probably even worse.
I dunno from where a phrase has entered my head and keeps repeating itself incessantly. 'Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may DIE' and the DIE here is so strong that I shudder at its force. I think this phrase was coined by someone who was happy and content with life. For people like us, a sombre and gloomy nation, a more apt phrase would be 'Work, Love and Stay United for Tomorrow we may be Killed'.
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