Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Endless Longings

Whenever I have enough time to sit back on my chair and think, I yearn for our China Study Trip and the time when Sid and I would finally live together. I want time to zoom past until the study trip, and then slow down for those exciting (I hope) days in China, then conveniently zoom past again until the time I am with Sid and then perhaps slow down as per my wishes.

This makes me realise that my life is more like a series of longings for something or the other. Last year at the end of February I was longing for coming to Belgium. When I was finally here, I longed for our Christmas break to go back to India. After the Christmas break here I am, yearning for the China Trip and going back to India for being together with Sid. I am sure the craving would be for something else after I have lived these two experiences. Do we ever get satisfied and live completely, uncomplainingly in the moment? Or is it just me? I like to imagine that when I will live with Sid and we would have the careers of our choice and live in the country of our dreams, I will long no more and be unquestioningly satisfied and sickeningly happy. But is that true? Would there be something else to crave for then? Babies, perhaps? I don't know, I am just guessing!

The thing is that why can't I just be happy in the moment. Not that I am not happy, but there is just this endless longing and waiting. After all I am now living the life for which I was counting days a year back. Why then, am I waiting for this time to just fly by? Perhaps because I believe that I have more exciting things to look forward to. I am thankful that I have such a life at the moment, that every time I have newer and better things to look forward to, but I should also be able to completely live the experience that I wished for in a not so distant past. Isn't this insulting to that 'someone' up there who grants our wishes if we just keep desiring for more and better?

Is it just normal human nature or is it the paranoia of someone who can never be satisfied? Am I just human or am I insane? Or am I being insane right now by blogging my useless (?) reflections when I have to study for the frightening Corporate Finance exam?

Friday, January 8, 2010

Life Is Throwing Lovely Gifts At Me!

Welcome 2010!! I hope you will be as exciting as 2009 was.
I loved 2009! It was the most favourite year of my life so far; the year when I made it to one of my dream B-Schools; the year when I started a very exciting journey of Business education. The year when I met (again) the person with whom I am destined to spend the rest of my life. Yes, I am officially engaged to Sid now. You can congratulate us! :D

My vacations in India were too beautiful but too short. Going back home for 12 days after 5 months in this cold and different country was like months of spiritual and emotional healing. I hogged on food, I shopped when I had time, I met Sid's parents and he met mine. It cudn't have been better but too soon it was time to leave.

I was scared before meeting his family for the first time. How would it go? Would they like me? Would they like my family? Would my family like them and Sid? Would we have anything in common with them? But as it turned out, all my fears were just stupid. It went fabulously well, I couldn't have asked for anything better. They loved me, and my family loved Sid! I am in love with Sid's beautiful home and his adorable family. The next day when they came to my home, our families quietly suggested to us to make it official. So, there was a little exchange of gifts and voila, we were engaged! It was a beautiful evening and I keep reliving it through pictures that were clicked.

We both are on top of the world and have many dreams, hopes and plans. There are many decisions to be made. Whether I will move to Bangalore or he will move to Belgium? Whether we should immediately start working on our business plans or just continue with boring work lives for a while? Whether I should target consulting companies or investment banks? Whether we should get married in November or February of next year? Phew!

However, all said and done, we are both looking forward to it, and just can't wait to be with each other. It was difficult to say goodbye at the airport this time. At that moment, I felt that I don't want to leave, at least not so soon. I am glad that my family organized it in such a way that Sid could come with us to the airport when I was leaving. I hugged Mom and Dad and shook hands with Sid. I almost had tears in my eyes when he clasped my hand with both of his and looked into my eyes and simply said, "Take Care". I kept looking back at him until the last moment and he always smiled back. No, I did not cry before him but I did cry during the flight. I am this emotional fool at times, who can sob away while staring out of the window into nothingness as a plane flies 10,000 feet above ground. Sigh....., love can make you silly ;)

As an extra beautiful surprise in life, I received a 'Stylish Blogger Award' from Small Town Girl. Thanks sweetheart, you are one of my favourite bloggers and receiving an award from you feels great! This award is doubly special as it is my first and will always be cherished.