When you are feeling low, you get irritated at everything. I just fought with my Mom because she wanted to change the bed sheets on my bed. Yeah, ashamed as I feel while writing this but it is true. My reason was that she had to do it exactly when I sat on the bed to do some work on my laptop. I completely ignored the facts that (1) She was doing me a favor, it's not her job, (2) The important work that I had to do actually was to play football on Facebook, (3) I had not changed the bed sheets myself and it's already nearly mid-day. Yesterday I fought with one of my best friends because he is in Delhi after a whole year and met someone else before he met me. The truth is that I couldn't have met him even if he had asked me to, for my own reasons. However, I nearly yelled at him. Poor thing, he was scared and said lets meet now. I yelled some more at him and asked him to not call me till I don't call him back. Nice guy that he is, he called me today to ask whether I was still angry and I was so embarrassed that I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.
The causes of my bad mood are many, three reasons that I know of and some other yet undetermined but equally forceful ones. The first cause is that I have lost the urge, excitement and enthusiasm for my preparation. The Diwali break turned out to be suicidal for my exam preparation. Another bigger reason is that I am very confused about a major decision concerning my life. I swing like a pendulum between the To-Do and Not-To-Do states. Still another reason, the biggest one, is something that I don't want to think about, so I won't even consider writing about it.
Pull yourself up Nicky!!!! Yeah, I talk like that to myself all the time. My conscience is a separate entity, not a part of me. The fastest way for me to recover from such insufferable phases is to start dieting immeadiatley and to go for long and brisk evening walks. No, I don't feel better after binging on food. Well, I do, but it's momentary. I can imagine the state of mind I will have this evening during my walk. I will start with a slow walk while contemplating on the issues at hand. Slowly my pace would become brisker and I would start thinking that exams are something that I have been facing since the age of 3 and I have always (almost!) done well. Then I would accelarate my pace a little more and think that I would just leave the major decision on my family and God and then play along. I already know there's no major risk in playing along. I would finally think of the last reason when I would be at a nearly running pace. At this pace, I am so much at peace with myself and so full of energy that nothing in the world can pull me down (excpet a speeding truck, maybe!) and hence, a cheerful state of mind would drive away the bugging anxieties.
You know what, I am already feeling better!!! :-)
Looking forward to my evening walk :-)