Sunday, November 2, 2008

Feeling Low

When you are feeling low, you get irritated at everything. I just fought with my Mom because she wanted to change the bed sheets on my bed. Yeah, ashamed as I feel while writing this but it is true. My reason was that she had to do it exactly when I sat on the bed to do some work on my laptop. I completely ignored the facts that (1) She was doing me a favor, it's not her job, (2) The important work that I had to do actually was to play football on Facebook, (3) I had not changed the bed sheets myself and it's already nearly mid-day. Yesterday I fought with one of my best friends because he is in Delhi after a whole year and met someone else before he met me. The truth is that I couldn't have met him even if he had asked me to, for my own reasons. However, I nearly yelled at him. Poor thing, he was scared and said lets meet now. I yelled some more at him and asked him to not call me till I don't call him back. Nice guy that he is, he called me today to ask whether I was still angry and I was so embarrassed that I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.
The causes of my bad mood are many, three reasons that I know of and some other yet undetermined but equally forceful ones. The first cause is that I have lost the urge, excitement and enthusiasm for my preparation. The Diwali break turned out to be suicidal for my exam preparation. Another bigger reason is that I am very confused about a major decision concerning my life. I swing like a pendulum between the To-Do and Not-To-Do states. Still another reason, the biggest one, is something that I don't want to think about, so I won't even consider writing about it.
Pull yourself up Nicky!!!! Yeah, I talk like that to myself all the time. My conscience is a separate entity, not a part of me. The fastest way for me to recover from such insufferable phases is to start dieting immeadiatley and to go for long and brisk evening walks. No, I don't feel better after binging on food. Well, I do, but it's momentary. I can imagine the state of mind I will have this evening during my walk. I will start with a slow walk while contemplating on the issues at hand. Slowly my pace would become brisker and I would start thinking that exams are something that I have been facing since the age of 3 and I have always (almost!) done well. Then I would accelarate my pace a little more and think that I would just leave the major decision on my family and God and then play along. I already know there's no major risk in playing along. I would finally think of the last reason when I would be at a nearly running pace. At this pace, I am so much at peace with myself and so full of energy that nothing in the world can pull me down (excpet a speeding truck, maybe!) and hence, a cheerful state of mind would drive away the bugging anxieties.
You know what, I am already feeling better!!! :-)
Looking forward to my evening walk :-)


pseudo intellectual said...

am sure it'll all work out okay. parents don't mind the yelling bits so much. and i hope the walk did you good :)

Nikita said...

Yeah I am sure the walk would have done me good... if I had gone walking. I am a lazy bum at times.
However, planing for the walk raised my spirits, so I am okay :-)

Anonymous said...

If you are confused about major decisions concerning your life, go with what your parents and your family think is good for you. They know you very well, are very understanding and will make decision that's best for you and for your family.
All the best!!

Nikita said...

Thanks for the words of wisdom!! However, I don't charge people for giving me advice. So, there's no major risk in displaying your identity :-)
Welcome to the blog!

deeps said...

first thing first ... change the bed sheet ...

just wondering if there is a sheet over ur mind as well that need to be changed ... maybe that will hlpe you 'feel high'